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101 Ways to be Incredibly Annoying

  1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
  2. In the memo field of all of your checks, write, "for sensual massage."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
  4. Learn Morse Code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip....."
  5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  6. Amuse yourself for hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
  7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
  8. Push all of the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all of your food and announce that this is so no one will 'swipe your grub.'
  10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, and 99 copies.
  11. Stomp on little ketchup packets.
  12. Sniffle incessantly.
  13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  14. Name your dog "Dog."
  15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
  18. Declare your apartment an independant nation and then sue your neighbors for "violating your airspace."
  19. Forget the punchline to long jokes, but assure the listener that it was "a real hoot."
  20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything that they touch with a can of Lysol.
  21. Practice making fax and modem sounds.
  22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
  23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  24. Invent nonsense computer jargon and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard and tell the neighbors that you are a "spider person."
  26. Finish all of your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
  27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
  28. Do not add any inflection at the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
  32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  33. Adjust the TV so that all of the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  34. Drum on every available surface.
  35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  36. Ask toll-free number operators to go out on a date with you.
  37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
  38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
  39. Hide dairy products in inaccessable places.
  40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  41. Set alarms for random times.
  42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  43. Use:puncuation! at random? places in, all of ; your'sentences"
  44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
  45. Honk and wave to strangers.
  46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
  47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  48. Tape pieces of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" over climatic parts or rental movies.
  49. Wear your pants backwards.
  50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
  51. Begin all of your sentences with "Ooh la la!"
  53. only type in lowercase
  54. dont use any punctuation either
  55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  57. Tie jingle bells to your clothes.
  58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  59. Write "X=BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
  60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
  61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
  62. Light road flares on birthday cakes.
  63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
  64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
  65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
  66. At the laundromat, use a separate dryer for each of your socks.
  67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
  68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
  69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
  71. Pretend your mouse is a CD\B radio, and talk to it.
  72. Try playing the William Tell OVerture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly finished, announce, "No, wait, I messed up," and repeat.
  73. Drive half a block.
  74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
  75. Ask people what gender they are.
  76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
  77. Cultivate a Norweigan accent. If Norweigan, affect a southern drawl.
  78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the 'Big One' comes."
  79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," "La Cucaracha," or the Mister Rogers song.
  80. While making presentations, occassionaly bob your head like a parakeet.
  81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
  82. Leave your Christmas lights upa and lit until September.
  83. Change your name to John Aaaaaaaaaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
  84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  85. Chew on borrowed pens.
  86. Wear a LOT of clothes.
  87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior menatl processing."
  88. Sing along at the opera.
  89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
  90. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
  91. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  92. At a golf tournament, chant "swiiiiing-batabatabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
  93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
  94. Stare at static on TV and claim that you can see a "magic picture."
  95. Select the same song on a jukebox fifty times.
  96. Never make eye contact.
  97. Never break eye contact.
  98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
  99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
  100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  101. Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.

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