101 Ways to be Incredibly Annoying
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Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
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In the memo field of all of your checks, write, "for sensual massage."
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Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
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Learn Morse Code and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip....."
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If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
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Amuse yourself for hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
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Speak only in a "robot" voice.
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Push all of the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
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Start each meal by conspicuously licking all of your food and announce that this is so no one will 'swipe your grub.'
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Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, and 99 copies.
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Stomp on little ketchup packets.
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Sniffle incessantly.
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Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
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Name your dog "Dog."
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Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
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Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
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Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
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Declare your apartment an independant nation and then sue your neighbors for "violating your airspace."
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Forget the punchline to long jokes, but assure the listener that it was "a real hoot."
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Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything that they touch with a can of Lysol.
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Practice making fax and modem sounds.
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Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
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Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
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Invent nonsense computer jargon and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
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Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard and tell the neighbors that you are a "spider person."
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Finish all of your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
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Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
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Do not add any inflection at the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
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Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
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Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
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Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
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Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
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Adjust the TV so that all of the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
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Drum on every available surface.
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Staple papers in the middle of the page.
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Ask toll-free number operators to go out on a date with you.
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Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
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Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
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Hide dairy products in inaccessable places.
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Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
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Set alarms for random times.
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Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
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Use:puncuation! at random? places in, all of ; your'sentences"
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Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
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Honk and wave to strangers.
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Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
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Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
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Tape pieces of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" over climatic parts or rental movies.
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Wear your pants backwards.
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Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
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Begin all of your sentences with "Ooh la la!"
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ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE
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only type in lowercase
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dont use any punctuation either
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Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
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Pay for your dinner with pennies.
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Tie jingle bells to your clothes.
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Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
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Write "X=BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
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Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
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Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
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Light road flares on birthday cakes.
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Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
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Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
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Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
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At the laundromat, use a separate dryer for each of your socks.
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When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
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Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
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As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
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Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
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Pretend your mouse is a CD\B radio, and talk to it.
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Try playing the William Tell OVerture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly finished, announce, "No, wait, I messed up," and repeat.
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Drive half a block.
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Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
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Ask people what gender they are.
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Lick the filling out of all the Oreos and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
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Cultivate a Norweigan accent. If Norweigan, affect a southern drawl.
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Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the 'Big One' comes."
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Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," "La Cucaracha," or the Mister Rogers song.
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While making presentations, occassionaly bob your head like a parakeet.
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Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
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Leave your Christmas lights upa and lit until September.
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Change your name to John Aaaaaaaaaaaaaasmith for the great glory of being the first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
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Sit in your front yard pointing a hairdryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
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Chew on borrowed pens.
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Wear a LOT of clothes.
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Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior menatl processing."
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Sing along at the opera.
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Mow your lawn with scissors.
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Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
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Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
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At a golf tournament, chant "swiiiiing-batabatabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
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Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
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Stare at static on TV and claim that you can see a "magic picture."
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Select the same song on a jukebox fifty times.
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Never make eye contact.
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Never break eye contact.
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Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
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Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
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Make appointments for the 31st of September.
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Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
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