The gene pool could use a little chlorine
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
i souport publik edekasion
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy
All generalizations are false.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Seen on an old, beat-up car: This is not an abandoned vehicle
Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
All men are Idiots, and I married their King!
Work is for people who don't know how to fish
Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you
If you don't like the news, go out and make some
I Brake For No Apparent Reason
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
Sorry, I don't date outside my species
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
No Radio - Already Stolen
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age, Few men act it!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Seen on a woman's car: Men call us birds, we pick up worms
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear
Give me ambiguity or give me something else
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles
I is a college student
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself
I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
If you don't like the news, go out and make some
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Horn broken -- Watch for finger
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Pray for me. I drive I-95 Daily !