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The Official Golf Survival Handbook

Dictionary of terms every golfer should know

Golf - A beautiful walk spoiled by a small white ball.

Fore - A warning to the slow foursome ahead that one of them may be knocked unconscious by the ball you just hit.

Hack - Golfer who yells "Fore," but causes people behind him to duck.

Divot - Crater left in the fairway after a bad stroke.

Rough - Area on the course the landscapers forgot to mow.

Victory - When a golfer finds a better ball than the one he just lost.

Hack - Golfer who never loses any balls because they don't go far enough.

Hazard - Area on the golf course that you reach in one shot.

Sandtrap - Place where a hack spends a lot of time - along with his sand wedge, beach towel and tanning oil.

The Drink - Place where a hack goes snorkeling for the ball he just hit out of the sandtrap.

Caddy - Kid you pay money to lug around your clubs, give you advice, and watch you struggle in hazards and traps, lose money and swear.

Golf - A FORE letter word.

Mulligan - Free shot taken when your drive doesn't go past the women's tee.

Guilt - Taking 6 strokes, writing down 5, and wiping you finger prints off the pencil.

Veracity - Cheating on your score at the 5th hole-- and feeling bad about it for the next 13.

Hack - Golfer who needs a calculator to keep track of his score.

Golf - A game where everyone in front of you is to slow and everyone behind you is too fast.

Heave n - An empty golf course on a Sunday afternoon.

Hell - An overcroweded golf course, due to a golf tournament on the one day you have off from work.

Jokes Every Hack Should Know

Q. How do you get someone on a golf course to talk to you?
A. Pick up the wrong ball.

Q. How do you beat someone on a golf course?
A. With your two iron.

Q. How do you improve your score?
A. Add 3+5+4, and get 9.

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