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How to be Annoying on USENet

Regardless of its accuracy, follow-up another post with the line "BZZZT! Wrong answer!" or "Hello! McFly!"

Use a 120-line ASCII graphic of Spock as your signature.

Post to soc.culture.women asking "What's your favorite brand of oven mitt, little ladies?"

Post with a newsreader that replaces punctuation marks with strange, non-ASCII characters.

Steer all debates to your own pet subjects of expertise, regardless of their relevance.

Make it clear from your postings that you've a profound inability to distinguish "The X Files" as fiction.

Insist that another poster is really Serdar Argic or Kibo.

Post 20-part encoded image files from NASA ftp archives that you claim show clear evidence of alien settlements.

Insinuate vaque conspiracies in all your posts.

Post with a newsreader that replaces punctuation marks with strange, non-ASCII characters.

Steer all debates to your own pet subjects of expertise, regardless of their relevance.

Make it clear from your postings that you've a profound in.ability to distinguish "The X Files" as fiction.

Insist that another poster is really Serdar Argic or Kibo.

Post 20-part encoded image files from NASA ftp archives that you claim show clear evidence of alien settlements.

Insinuate vague conspiracies in all your posts.

Spam post alarming ten-year-old files about Congressional bills to tax-modem usage "in the name of freedom".

Claim that unidentified government agencies are censoring your posts.

Ask readers to collect aluminum pop-tops on behalf of Craig Shergold.

Ask readers of comp.sci.algorithms how to get Super Mario to the castle.

POST IN ALL CAPS

omit all punctuation

omitallspaces

DOALLTHREEOFTHEABOVE

Ask the readers of ait.current-events.net-abuse where to purchase Cantor and Siegel's book.

Post the phone number of the Michigan Militia to alt.conspiracy as the "Classified ATF Secret Hotline."

Strive to ensure that no two consecutive words in your posts are correctly spelled.

Enrich the lives of thousands with a thoughtful and impassion.ed debate on the topic "AOL users smell."

Dispense essential and priceless financial advice, such as the assertion that no one is legally required to pay taxes.

Demand that others cease using the letter e, as you find it "dply offnsiv"

Post to rec.music.misc insisting that "Curt Kobain should leave Pearl Jam since they'll never tour again."

Followup another person's posts every twelve minutes to accuse them of "obsessing".

Followup two dozen of another person's posts to accuse them of harassing you. Send copious e-mail if you're ignored.

Start pointless debates over topics such as whether Whoopi Goldberg has eyebrows, what happens when you cross the International Dateline, and whether the bad guy in Popeye car.toons was named "Bluto" or "Brutus".


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