I'm Glad I'm a Man

I'm glad I'm a man, you'd better believe.
I don't live off yogurt, diet Coke, or cottage cheese.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I don't get wasted after only two beers,
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend five minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
In everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to worry about getting that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack.

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you,
or think every guy out there is trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, logical too.
I know what time it is and what I have to do.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all cranky every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I'm a man by chance, and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!