Q:Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A:To get away from the noise.
Q:What's the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
A:You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q:What is an oboe good for?
A:Setting a bassoon on fire.
Q:What's the difference between a violin and a cello?
A:A cello burns longer.
Q:How do you make a bassoon sound beautiful?
A:Sell it and buy a trombone.
Q:Why are clarinetists' brains so good for transplants?
A:They've never been used.
Q:What does a good saxaphone player weigh?
A:28 ounces, not counting the urn.
Q:How do you make a tuba play fff?
A:Write, "pp, expressivo."
Q:What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Q:What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
Q:What did the flutist get on her IQ test?
Q:Did you hear about the trumpet player who locked his keys in his car?
A:He had to break the window to get the drummer out.
Q:What's the difference between a bassoon and a table?
A:People get mad when you spill beer on a table.
Q:What's the definition of a minor second?
A:The amount of time two flutists can play in unison.
Q:What do you do when you run out of French horns?
Q:What else do you do when you run out of French horns?
A:Have the trombones stick their hands in their bells and miss half of the notes.
Q:What do you get when you cross a French horn with a gorilla?
A:A stupid gorilla.
Q:How do you know when the stage is level?
A:The drummers are drooling out of both sides of their mouths.
Q:What do you get when you cross a music critic with a bowling ball?
A:A bowiling ball that wouldn't know a good performance if it sat on one.
Q:What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
A:No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
Q:What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A:A flat miner.
Q:What do you get when you throw a piano on an army barracks?
A:A flat major.
Q:Why are 11 foot grand pianos better than 3 foot spinets?
A:They make a better sound when you push them off a cliff.
Two musicians are walking down the street and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo. That was my fife!"
Q:How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Five. One to change it and four to cntemplate how much better Kenny G would have done it.
Q:If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions:an in-tune saxophone, an out-of-tune saxophone, or Santa Claus?
A:The out-of-tune saxophone. The other two indicate you've been hallucinating.
Q:How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:One, but he'll do it too loudly.
Q:What is the dynamic range of a baritone?
A:On or off.
Q:How can you tell which kid on the playground is the son of a trombone player?
A:He's the only one that can swing and is great at using the slide. :-D
Q:What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A:Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q:Why can't gorillas play the trumpet?
A:Gorillas are too sensitive.
Q:How do you fix a broken tuba?
A:With a "tuba glue."
Q:What do a bari sax and a lawsuit have in common?
A:Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q:How do you know when a French horn is out of tune?
A:When the player's fingers are moving.
Q:Why do violinists put a cloth between their chins and their instruments?
A:Violins don't have spit valves.
Q:Why are tuba jokes so short?
A:So trumpet players can understand them.