Distant View

Daily Cartoons

Recent Features

The Daily Laugh


Search the Site

Back Home

Ode to the Green and Gold

Three guys, A Bear fan, a Packer Fan, and a Viking fan are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Bears fan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Illinois." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Illinois was forever made fertile for farming. The Packer fan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Wisconsin, so that no infidels, Bear Fans or Viking Fans can't come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Wisconsin.

The Viking fan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state; nothing can get in or out." The Vikes fan says, "Fill it up with water."

Script for a new Minnesota Vikings MasterCard commercial

Tickets to the big game: $150.00

Case of beer before the game: $12.99 Randy Moss Jersey: $80.00

Two beers and two hot dogs: $23.00 Two more beers and two more hot-dogs: $23.00

Two more beers since you spilled yours in celebration of Randy Moss's first touchdown: $15.00

Dry-cleaning bill after spilling beer on your Randy Moss Jersey after Randy Moss scored his SECOND touchdown of the night: $30.00

Four more Beers: $30.00

Doctors office call after getting punched in the nose by some loser sports fan dressed in a green shirt with a big piece of cheese on his head: $75.00

Watching the Vikings on Sunday, in Lambeau, severely kick the crap out of the Packers: Priceless.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Lambeau Field?
A: The pricks are on the outside of a porcupine.

Q: How do you save a drowning Packer fan?
A. Take your foot off his head.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb Packer fan, and a smart Packer fan are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart Packer fan and the dumb Packer fan thought it was a gum wrapper.

'Twas 5 nights before Christmas and all through the dome,
Every creature was shouting and sucking down foam.
When right off the bat Favre coughed up the ball,
But the Vikings could not take advantage at all.
Then out on the field they punted and punted,
And the strength of both offenses seemed to be stunted.
Then what to my wondering eyes did appear,
A 40+ yard field go, Gary's first one all year.

Then the fireworks started and passes did fly,
Moss scored long and short but fumbled one try,
The Packers scored big on a great field goal fake,
But the purple came back, the lead to take.

With the Vikes up by 4, the Packers looked pissed,
And were cursing themselves for opportunities missed.
When out on the field Farvre drove down for the win,
And made Viking Fans utter "Here we go again."

The clock had gone crazy and the refs turned a blind eye,
On the sidelines the Vikings had started to cry.
And as Packer receivers kept making receptions,
Robert Griffith saved all with his best interception.

The metrodome rocked and the fans in good cheer,
Were obnoxious and tormented the Packer fans here,
As the Green and Gold watched playoff hopes slip out of sight,
Fans yelled "Purple Christmas to all, and to the Pack: Good Night!"

A sports reporter is walking through Grant Park in Chicago when he comes upon two boys, about ages 9 or 10, playing football. All of a sudden, a bulldog runs from the bushes and starts attacking one of the children. The other boy runs to a tree and pulls of a dead branch and beats the bulldog off of his friend, killing the hound.

The reporter sees this and thinks to himself, "I have got to write about this!" He walks over to the kids and says, "I just saw what you did to save your friend and I want to write an article about it. Could you just take a look a the headline for it?"

The kid nods and looks at the paper and sees the headline, "Little Chicago Bear Fan Saves Friend's Life."

He says, "Well that's good, but I'm not a Bears fan."

The reporter nods and writes another headline:"9 Year-old Minnesota Viking Fan Fends off Vicious Attack."

The child nods again but says, "That's good too, but I'm not a Viking fan."

The sports reporter says, "Well, I thought every little boy in the Midwest was either a Bears or Vikings fan. Who do you root for?"

The child smiles and proudly says, "I'm a Packer fan."

The next day he opened the paper and found his headline:"Violent Cheesehead Murders Beloved Family Pet"

A report came out of Green Bay saying that all of the Brett Favre Steak Houses were closing for renovations. The restaurants were going to be converted into bakeries. When the bakeries opened, it was found that, in honor of Favre, they specialized in turnovers.

Back Home