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50 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate

  1. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
  2. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
  3. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your...Oh, it's just you." Take the hat off; sit and pout.
  4. Talk like a pirate all of the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck.
  5. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.
  6. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she objects, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
  7. Get really fat and wear tacky, ill-fitting clothes. Point out loudly in public places how nice your clothes look. Tell everyone your roommate dresses you every day.
  8. Be naked a lot.
  9. Decide to become a clown.
  10. Dress up as a clown and tell your rommate that you'rs going to join the circus. Leave with all of your stuff, and then come back late at night. Wake your roommate up and tell him/her that they wouldn't take you. Do this repeatedly for a few weeks.
  11. Learn to juggle. One day when your roommate is out, drop a juggling ball out the window and "hang" yourself halfway out the window. Pretend to have been hit in the head. When your roommate comes in, tell him/her that your invisible friend, Bob, got tired of your juggling.
  12. Complain loudly about "Gilligan's Island" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" being cancelled.
  13. Become a trekkie.
  14. Wear a pocket protector and use the computer all the time. Always talk about RAM and other computer stuff. Tell him/her in detail about your discussions with another trekkie who thinks Captain Shatner is better than that guy that William Shatner played. Ridicule the other trekkie.
  15. Insult people by calling them names like poo-poo head, wee-wee brain, or ca-ca-doo-doo head, or any combination of these.
  16. Wear dirty overalls and chew hay. Occasionally try to milk your roommate.
  17. Invite therapy groups for people driven to violence to be held in your room. If your roommate protests, say not to worry, and that only one of them was convicted.
  18. Sing Monty Python songs. Constantly.
  19. Collect your (or your roommate's) dandruff in small sandwich bags. Keep asking if your roommate's scalp hurts. If he/she says no, say, "DANG!" and storm off.
  20. Be repetitive.
  21. Be repetitive.
  22. Never admit to ANYTHING. (i.e. Did you just take a shower? No comment. Did you just go out on a date? Absolutely not, Why would you think that?)
  23. Collect dolls and display them by crucifying them on the wall and scalping them with Swiss Army knives.
  24. Collect anatomically correct dolls of the opposite sex. Play with them. A lot.
  25. Dye your hair the same color Dennis Rodman does. Start talking trash to your roommate, about never having to show up for practice.
  26. Spit a lot.
  27. Watch CNN, The Weather Channel, that fish tank channel, or Headline News 24 hours a day.
  28. Listen to death rock really loud and throw various types of fruits, especially ones that will squirt nasty juices, at the walls while chanting something having to do with brutally murdering the person you live with.
  29. Eat glue.
  30. Crawl instead of walking. Nibble your food very nervously. Bite your roommate occassionally.
  31. If you have hair, start wearing a toupee.
  32. Psychoanalyze everything your roommate does.
  33. Subsist on restaurant condiments alone (ketchup, mustard, salt, etc...packets) for several weeks. Develop horrible acne. Nag your roommate about his/her diet's nutritional value.
  34. Dissect any stereo your roommate might have. Put it back together by gluing things together randomly. Mention to you roommate that the stereo hasn't been working properly.
  35. Hald satanic ceremonies in the middle of the floor while your roommate is going to sleep.
  36. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games and play them in front of your roommate.
  37. As soon as your roommate turns off the light at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
  38. Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the jack-o-lantern has been staring at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern thinks he/she has been staring at it. Confide in your rommate that you really don't like the jack-o-lantern, but you can't convince it to move out.
  39. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head and mumble "Stupid horseshoe....."
  40. Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your roommate to let you back in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance of good manners.
  41. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If yours roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it any more.
  42. Watch "Psycho" every day for a monthe. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
  43. Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult with the worms every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that they're stupid and they don't know what they're talking about.
  44. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
  45. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper, "We'll continue this later" while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
  46. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
  47. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like "I know what you did" or "Don't think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
  48. Paint a tunnel on the wall like thay do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Dang roadrunner...."
  49. Drink a cup of coffee in the morning. When you finish it, gnaw on the mug for about ten minutes. Then look at your roomate, immediately put the mug away, and quickly leave the room.
  50. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don't worry, it's not what you think." If he/she asks about it, immediately change the subject.

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